I’ve always had plenty to run from. Really, I wasn’t running, I was constrained. I was born into a family that never had much and, as a result, I grew up thinking we weren’t worth much. We were comparatively poor and there were daily, even hourly, reminders to me as a child that that meant I had limited options. Again, I was constrained.
In an environment that I had no choice but to be molded by, I was taught that the best I could hope for out of life was survival. As far back as you could go in our family, the definition of success was making to the next day, the next drink, or the next paycheck. When I was observing and learning the patterns of my parents, I was building my paradigm.
A paradigm is broadly defined as a “distinct set of concepts or thought patterns.” The word comes from Greek and can be translated as, “pattern, example, or sample.” In the legal world, we talk about paradigms as “precedents.” They help inform the current situation by referring to a similar past example as a guide. But not always a rule.
We all have paradigms, typically built by us as children by observing the patterns around us. It’s taken me around thirty years, but I can name my paradigm: constraint. Me and my family have always been constrained by constraint. We’ve had different names for that constraint: poverty, addiction, disability, etc., but our paradigm has constrained us.
For others, their paradigm is expectation. As a child, they are constrained by an expectation put upon them by people in their environment who were constrained, likely by expectations. I’m confident that when we start paying attention to these patterns, usually during our rebellious teenage years, we start wanting to break free from them.
I have been trying to break free from my paradigm by running from one thing to the next. Whatever will get me away from the constraint that has taken hold of my family is good with me: the Air Force, college, law school, countless unfinished projects, whatever. But, I got it all wrong; I could never run away from my paradigm. Constraints hold you in place like a straitjacket and running in place was never going to help me find peace.
Many of us try to break away from our paradigms by running away. We try to avoid our paradigms, or distract ourselves to avoid confronting our paradigms. But that’s no way to find peace. To break free of our paradigms and find peace, it’s more important to stop resisting. Maybe my paradigm is a straitjacket, but a little patience and acceptance might lead to finding a way out.
Only then can we stop running from our constraints and start moving toward peace. We stop being burdened by the singular path behind us and start carving a path in the open field in front of us. Peace lies at the heart of possibility. I know my constraint and I’m sitting with it, trying to find a way forward. Take a moment to identify the preconceived notions in your life. Sit with them, then leave them in the past. Let them inform your decisions, but believe in freedom over constraint.
Do you have a paradigm which prevents you from moving toward peace? Let us know in the comments below!